Honestly speaking, this is far too personal for a blog. However, I needed to write this down to remind me of this occasion’s permanence; I needed this as a marker.
So this is how “breaking up” feels like, finally. No more pendulum-like swings, no more happiness and despondency gaining up on each other rapidly. When he called up to say that his feelings for me have disappeared completely, I heard my own calm voice telling him, it is okay, such things happen, even though my insides cleaved. This past week has been horrible; not knowing what will happen always stresses me out. So last night, all that came crashing down into one swift conclusion. (Thank you D. for seeing me through it.) Did I see it coming? Yes. Was I prepared? Not even a bit. He said: I will always be there when you need my help. Will I ever ask for help again?
There’s no bitterness, none whatsoever. Just a few haunting memories and a bit of incomprehension. I still don’t know why or how this happened, and perhaps for my own good, never will. And in time, I will know what it feels like to fall out of love myself.